Stay High
by CloveEngland
Summary: "I can say it, but you won't believe me." "I will, Mira." "You say that, but you don't deceive me." Lucy has to stay drunk all the time to keep Natsu off her mind... until she hallucinates him, that is. Can Natsu save her from herself? Bad summary is bad xD


**Outside POV**

She woke up in an unfamiliar bed next to an unfamiliar man with an unfamiliar pain between her legs. What had happened last night? It was a blur. She hadn't been at Fairy Tail. She'd gone to a bar in some other town, but why? Why had she gotten drunk, and more importantly, why was she here, with this stranger who slept with a creepy smirk on his face?

_Natsu's gone._

That's all she was certain of. Natsu was gone, and she didn't know whether or not he was dead or alive or even _existent_ anymore. For all she knew, he was in Edolas, or he'd been disintegrated or disappeared, never to be seen again by the living, not even the body.

She slid out of the bed quietly; she was naked. Sighing, she found her clothes strewn about the room and put them on as silently as she could. She couldn't imagine what would happen if the man woke up and quite frankly, she didn't want to.

Her whole body ached as she shuffled out of the filthy motel. Her muscles screamed at her to go home and get some rest, but her heart and mind were begging her for something to help forget Natsu. She didn't want to imagine him dead anymore, and that was all she could imagine him as.

So, she went to the guild hall. Heads turned her way; faces covered with mock sympathy, some people looking taken aback by her haggard appearance.

None of them mattered, she thought, as she shuffled over to the bar and plopped down on a stool, looking Mira straight in the eye as she said in an empty voice, "Vodka."

The she-devil looked at her in shock. "Vodka?" she asked incredulously, "Lucy are you seriously asking-,"

"Vodka," Lucy said again, never breaking eye contact, "please."

Mirajane stared at her for a while longer before hesitantly obliging. She watched as Lucy downed the vodka, her heart aching for the blond. She frowned and said, "Lucy, I know it's hard to know that Natsu could be… well, gone for good, but you shouldn't drink away your feelings. Besides, he might not be dead."

Lucy gave Mira a broken look and murmured softly, "I know I shouldn't drink away my feelings, but I can't…" she shook her head and said, "I just can't go on knowing that he might be…" she sighed and dropped her head onto the bar. "Can I have more vodka?"

And so it went on like this. Mira tried to talk Lucy out of drinking, but she just kept at it. Days passed, and she was only getting worse, falling into a straight downward spiral. At first, it was just to forget about Natsu, but the drunker she got, the more she lost herself. Eventually, she grew to be delusional, imagining that Natsu was there with her, and so she drank more.

One day, Cana came up to Lucy where she sat at the bar. Cana had been getting more and more sober lately, and everyone knew it was because of Lucy. She couldn't stand to see the blonde becoming so much like her. She'd used alcohol to get through her problems enough that alcohol didn't bother her much anymore, but her body had always been tough against alcohol. Lucy, on the other hand, was not that way.

Cana sat down next to Lucy and looked at her as she downed drink after drink. She frowned and put her hand on Lucy's shoulder. "Hey, where's the Lucy I know?" she said gently to the blond, who practically jumped out of her skin in surprise. "Where's the Lucy that helped me on Tenroujima?"

Lucy's eyes softened and she whispered, "N…Natsu?"

Tears started to form in Cana's eyes and she shook her head. "Natsu isn't here Lucy. It's me, Cana; Lucy look, you have to focus on me... you have to _listen _to me, please!"

"Cana…" she muttered and Cana felt a flare of hope. But then, Lucy slurred, "Don't… joke 'round like that Natsu… Cana isn't here… Silly Natsu…"

Cana started to cry. Had Lucy Heartfilia really lost herself? Mira walked over to Cana and crossed her arms as she looked at Lucy, sighing. "It's no use," Mira said quietly to the brunette, "I've tried talking her out of it. But she claims she has to stay drunk all the time to keep Natsu off her mind, though lately she's been hallucinating and believing he's with her."

The brunette turned on Mira suddenly, her eyes alight with anger. "IT'S YOUR FAULT!" she roared, "You're the one who's been giving her drinks! You're the reason she's always drunk! You're the reason she's lost her mind! WHY MIRA? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?"

This grabbed the attention of the rest of the guild. Mira began to cry and she said, "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry Cana! But what am I supposed to do? If I don't give her drinks, she'll go to some bar outside of Fairy Tail and do the same thing, only worse things could happen! You saw her that first day she came in here asking for vodka. You saw how she walked. I can't let her sleep with some random pedophile again."

Cana looked down, realizing that Mira had a point, though she couldn't help being angry. "But you've still been giving her alcohol. I know better than anyone how wrong that is. She doesn't have a body cut out for alcohol; it's not in her blood like it is mine."

Mira sighed and said, "I know Cana. But what else can we do?"

Just then, Erza, who had been talking worriedly with Gray, walked over to the two women. She sat down beside Lucy, who was now laughing at thin air. She looked at Mira and Cana. "There's only one thing we can do, and that's bring Natsu back."

They looked at her in surprise. Erza hadn't been able to bring herself near Lucy for days; she didn't want to see her in this horrible state.

Then Cana frowned. "But we looked for Natsu, and he was nowhere to be found."

Erza sighed and murmured in response, "Well, we need to look harder. For Lucy… we need to do it for Lucy!" The other two women nodded, and Gray and Juvia had come over and were nodding as well. Levy also had dragged Gajeel over and Lily was bobbing along with them.

Laxus and Freed joined them as well and Laxus said with a smile, "I'll help out too. Lucy's like a little sis to me." Cana gave him a light smile and nodded.

Erza looked at the group and said, "Right. We'll break up into groups. We will find Natsu. I'll take Gray and Juvia. Mira and Cana go together, and Laxus, you and Freed can go together. Levy, Gajeel, Lily, try to find his scent and track it. That shouldn't be too hard for you Gajeel."

When they had established which search party was going where, they all headed off in different directions to find the missing Dragon Slayer.

**Lucy POV**

There were voices everywhere around me but I couldn't understand any of them. Everything was blurring, everything except him. He didn't seem real though, he was just a faint outline, and I couldn't touch him, but at least he was here with me.

The others didn't seem to understand, and I didn't really get it. They said he wasn't really here. They said I was imagining him, but that was impossible. How could they _not _see him? He was sitting right next to me! Wasn't he?

I looked over at him and smiled when he gave me a big grin. "Natsu," I said softly, "I'm so glad you came back, but can you give me a hug now?"

Natsu frowned. "Luce, I did give you a hug. I hugged you three times already today, in fact."

I knew he had, but he couldn't have _really _hugged me. I would have felt his warmth!

"But I didn't feel it Natsu. I want a _real _hug." He smiled and nodded, and leaned forward to hug me, but once again, I felt nothing. There was nothing but the air around me. I sighed and said, "Very funny Natsu. Maybe you can give me a real hug later."

I picked up the bottle in front of me and studied it for a moment before taking another long sip. It burned at first, but I didn't really feel it now. I didn't really feel anything. I assumed it was because I was just tired.

Natsu watched me the whole time. He'd told me to stop a few times, told me that I shouldn't keep drinking from this bottle, but I didn't really get why. I'd been drinking so many and things seemed to be going just fine to me. I stopped for a moment. Why was I drinking this? Why did I start drinking this? I wasn't thirsty. I tried to think of the time when I wasn't downing bottle after bottle of this stuff. All I could recall was pain. I don't think Natsu was there either. This drink brought Natsu to me, so I had to keep drinking it.

At least, that's what I told myself. Nothing else seemed to make sense in my mind.

After a while of silence between Natsu and me, he murmured, "Maybe you should stop. Y'know, that's what Cana and Mira and Erza are saying. Gray looks pretty upset too. Wow, look at everyone. Luce, come on, don't you think you owe your friends this?"

I looked at him in surprise and said, "But why do they want me to stop Natsu? I can't hear them. What are they saying? Why do I need to stop?"

Natsu just looked at me sadly, and suddenly I realized that he didn't know. I realized _why _he didn't know. I couldn't believe it. What was happening? I blinked a few times, and he didn't disappear, but I knew now.

"Natsu it's not true," I said firmly. "I can prove it! Tell me why I should stop!" But he stared at me blankly, like he had no idea why, and tears began to form in my eyes. "Tell me! Please! Tell me something I don't know!"

Natsu shook his head. "Luce I… I can't… I…" he stared at me in horror and he said, "I can only tell you things you do know."

I sniffled and said in a shaky voice, "Then tell me. Tell me something that I know. Tell me something… something that I don't want to know, Natsu. Please, I don't know what's real and what's not."

Natsu sighed and said with a pained look on his face, "I'm not real. You made me out of your own sorrows. I'm just a figment of your imagination, Luce. I'm not real. I'm not real."

I stared at him in disbelief. It couldn't be true, but I knew that it was. I screamed and grabbed the nearest empty bottle, chucking it at Natsu. As soon as it hit him, he was gone, and instead it shattered on the wall. Someone walked over to me and grabbed my arms, staring at me with a look of terror, confusion, and pain on their face.

"Lucy, what's wrong?" a voice drifted to my ears. The person looked like Natsu… no… no that was just my imagination. Focus on the voice, Luce, who is it? It was Lisanna. I fell into her arms and squeezed her in a hug, bawling.

"Li…Lisanna," I cried, "where's Natsu? Where is he?" Lisanna wrapped her arms around my shoulders and rested her chin on my head.

"He's… not here, Lucy, he'll be back soon though." I continued to cry but didn't ask any more questions. Eventually, I felt a wave of exhaustion come over me. I pulled away from her and wiped my eyes.

"I'm going to… going to go home and… sleep…" I mumbled, standing up. The room tilted suddenly and I felt myself falling, but then I felt a pair of arms catch me. I looked up and saw Lisanna standing above me, holding onto my arms tightly.

"I'll walk you," Lisanna said softly, "I don't want you getting hurt." I didn't argue; I knew that with the room spinning like this I wouldn't be able to walk on my own. Instead, I leaned on Lisanna a little and walked with her slowly out of the guild hall.

I couldn't pay attention to much but I knew for a fact that we were not going in the direction of my apartment. I mumbled in a slurred voice, "Lis… my apartment… 's the other way…"

Lisanna sighed and said, "I know, but you can't take care of yourself right now so I'm taking you to mine, Elf's and Mira's place. That way we can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't hurt yourself."

I remained silent and we kept walking until we came upon their apartment, which was bigger than mine. She led me over to a bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

**Mira POV**

I was disheartened as I walked with Cana back to the guild hall. We'd searched for hours for Natsu, but there was no sign of him. The sun was setting now and there would soon be no way we could look for him. Closing my eyes, I said to Cana, "We need him. Lucy needs him."

Cana nodded next to me and said, "If he doesn't come back soon, there'll be no hope for Lucy. We'll have to put her in an asylum."

I looked down. I knew Cana was right; in a little while, it'd be safer for Lucy if we put her in an asylum as a morbidly alcoholic. But I couldn't stand to see someone once so happy and bright put into a place with a bunch of insane people. No offense to them.

Just then there was a voice from behind us.

"If who doesn't come back… and what's all this talk about putting Lucy in an _asylum?_"

I turned around, a huge smile stretching across my face. "Natsu!" my voice sounded alien to me. "Thank goodness you're back!" I pulled the Dragon Slayer into a bone-crushing hug, and he wriggled to try and get out of my iron grasp. I heard him grunt in an attempt to get free.

"Mira… can't… breathe…" I put him down immediately and watched as he dusted himself off and straightened his vest. "On my mission with Lucy a while ago I got whacked by the monster and flung quite a ways away. I'll tell you what, getting lost in a forest like that made it pretty hard to find my way back, but I did it!"

I smiled slightly and said, "We're so glad you did Natsu. We were all so worried about you. Especially Lucy… she… she hasn't been herself Natsu. She needs you." I couldn't believe that I, the she-devil, was saying this, but the look on Natsu's face _scared _me. He looked concerned for Lucy, but also looked like he was about ready to kill someone.

"Why hasn't she been herself? How?" he growled in a low voice.

I looked down and said, "I can say it, but you won't believe me."

He narrowed his eyes and said, "I will Mira. Tell me, tell me please."

I met his gaze and said softly, "You say that, but you don't deceive me. It's hard to know that there are people out there that actually do what Lucy's been doing. And it's hard to know that you care so much about her. Dead hearts are everywhere Natsu, and Lucy has a dead heart. She's been drinking, a lot. She's been hallucinating and thinking that you're there. It's awful."

Natsu pushed past me and walked toward the guild. "I have to see her," he mumbled, "I have to see her." I walked quickly after him and Cana ran after me. When we opened the doors to the guild, though, Lucy wasn't there. "Where is she?!" Natsu yelled, "Where's Lucy?!"

Elfman walked over to us and said, "Natsu, Nee-chan, Cana; Lisanna took Lucy home. She took her to our house so that she could make sure she was safe. Lucy claimed she wanted to sleep."

I sighed, closing my eyes, and said, "At least she went to sleep instead of drinking herself into a stupor." Elfman nodded in morbid agreement and we all stood there in silence. I could feel the anger coming off of Natsu in waves, but I decided not to ask him about it. I didn't want him to freak out and destroy the guild hall.

I quietly walked to my place behind the bar and began to wipe down the counter and clean up all of Lucy's empty vodka bottles. Cana sat at the bar and I tensed my muscles to get her a bucket of beer, but she just shook her head. I nodded and then stood and leaned on the bar. Natsu sat next to Cana.

"There's no doubt Lucy will be back tomorrow for more," I murmured softly to the two of them, and I saw Natsu clench his hands into tight fists. I put away the rag that I was using to clean the bar and began to organize things and tidy up simply to give myself something to do.

Cana closed her eyes and said, "It isn't fair." Natsu and I both turned our attention to her and she took it as a cue to keep talking. "It isn't fair how such bad things can happen to such good people." I nodded in agreement and saw Natsu grit his teeth together.

"I just can't believe," Natsu said, "that she did this because of me. It's my fault that she's been doing this to herself. If only I'd been here sooner…" I shook my head as he spoke, placing a hand on his clenched fists and gently unraveling his fingers.

"It's not your fault," I said to him, "The only thing we can blame is the monster that separated you from her. She thought you were dead because the monster threw you, and when you didn't return it led to her downward spiral. But you're here now and you can save her from herself."

He nodded and stood up. "I'm going home. I'll be back first thing in the morning." I smiled as he left the guild hall. Things would be better now that Natsu was back. Things had to get better now that Natsu was back; if they didn't…

I stopped thinking about the matter and thought firmly that things would get better now. There was simply no way that they couldn't. I waited until everyone went home and then left with Cana. We talked quietly for a while before going our separate ways.

When I arrived at home I saw Lucy asleep in the guest room and closed the door with a soft click, then went on to shower and go to bed myself. Tomorrow everything would be solved, and Lucy would be normal again, but I knew it wouldn't be that simple.

**Natsu POV**

I paced back and forth around Happy and my house. Happy watched me with worry in his eyes, but I didn't care about his worry. All I cared about was Lucy and her wellbeing. I screamed in frustration and sat down on my hammock, looking over at Happy who was still looking at me, concerned.

"It's my fault," I said as tears began to fall from my eyes. "All of this is my fault. If I'd only been stronger, none of this would've happened. I don't care what Mira and Cana say. I don't even think Erza could convince me that this wasn't my fault. Gosh, Happy, what if she never gets better? What if something bad happens?"

Happy said, "But nothing bad will happen Natsu, and this isn't your fault. You heard Mira! None of this was your fault. The only thing that you can do is help now, so stop beating yourself up about this and focus on helping Fatty, because she needs you now."

I looked at Happy and said, "Ok one don't call her Fatty. Lucy isn't fat. And two, I guess you're right. I'm probably just overreacting, right? Like, Lucy would never let herself get that drunk. Lucy's smarter than that… isn't she?"

Happy nodded vigorously, but looked taken aback. Natsu had never said anything about Happy's fat jokes before. But he assumed it was just because Natsu was so worried about Lucy.

I sighed and flopped down in my hammock, falling into a very fitful sleep filled with dreams of a drunk and confused Lucy.

**Outside POV**

Mira was at the guild hall the next day with Lucy sitting across from her and Erza on either side of Lucy at the bar. She was flustered, and Lucy was begging her for a single bottle of vodka. But Mira knew that one bottle would turn into two, two would turn into four, and soon there would be so many that you wouldn't be able to walk past the bar without stepping on one.

"Lucy, Natsu's back now, and he'll be here any minute. You don't need another bottle of vodka," Cana tried to reason with the blond, who turned on her angrily.

Lucy's brown eyes flared with anger and she snapped, "You're lying to me! And you Cana, of all people, I never thought that you would lie to me like this. Are you just setting me up for more pain? You're just saying that Natsu's back so I won't get drunk, but then he never will show up and I'll be sadder than ever. Is that really what you want?"

Erza put a hand on her shoulder and said, "Lucy, Natsu really is back, he's just running late. He came back yesterday. We saw him and spoke with him but you had already left the guild hall."

"You too, Erza," Lucy said angrily, "you too? You guys are going to drive me insane! Mirajane please, just one bottle, I'm begging you, just one!" Mirajane sighed and shared a look with Cana and Erza. There would be no reasoning with her and Natsu still hadn't shown up. She slowly grabbed a bottle of vodka and handed it to Lucy, who immediately drank it all.

Natsu, however, had just entered, and was staring at the group in disbelief. He ran over to Lucy and slapped the bottle from her hand, grabbing both of her wrists so tightly that it could bruise. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Get away from me," Lucy said shakily, "get away! You're not real, you're not real, you're not real! I'm just imagining you, and I'll go to sleep, and when I wake up, you'll be gone. You're just an alcohol induced being that my mind made up to fill the hole in my heart."

Natsu stared at her and said, "Lucy, what are you talking about?" He couldn't believe that she was acting so insane. "I'm right here! Can't you see me? I'm as real as real can be!" She shook her head and jumped off of the stool, backing away from him.

"You're not real," she repeated, "I'm going insane, I'm crazy!" With that, she turned around and sprinted out of the guild hall, leaving a disheartened Mirajane, bewildered Natsu, shocked Erza, and worried Cana in her wake.

Gray, who had witnessed all of this, stood up and ran out after her.

"How can this be?" Erza said, looking at the other two girls. "We finally have Natsu to fix her and she doesn't believe that it's him!"

Natsu was crying, Mirajane was beginning to cry and Cana looked like she might cry as well as she stared at the bar. Juvia was staring in shock at where her love and Lucy had run out of the guild. She went over and joined the group of girls out of curiosity and worry.

"Juvia wants to help;" she said softly, "Juvia wants to help Love Rival because Juvia knows that Gray loves her now. What can Juvia do?"

Cana shook her head and said, "That's awfully kind of you Juvia but none of us know what you can do. We don't even know what we can do. Poor Lucy… and poor Natsu," she added, looking at the pinkette who was now on his knees and in tears.

Master Makarov had exited his office and was standing with the group of distraught mages. He looked at them and said, "My children, this is not going to be easy. Natsu will need to keep trying to get Lucy to believe that he's real and we can only hope for the best. At least she ran away instead of drinking more."

Mira looked at him and said, "That's all well and good Master but the first time she got drunk was at a different bar, and she ended up sleeping with someone she didn't know who probably seduced her and took advantage of her drunkenness."

"WHAT?" the Master roared, growing in size, and yelled, "SOME UNWORTHY MONGREL TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY CHILD? HE'LL PAY!"

"HE WILL PAY!" Natsu screamed as well, suddenly standing and facing the rest of them. He whipped around to look at Mira and said, "Why didn't you tell me about THAT?!"

Mira looked down and said, "I'm sorry Natsu, I didn't think of it. It was so many days ago, I was mostly just worried about the problem currently at hand." Natsu looked furious and he whipped around, storming out of the guild and going in search of Gray and Lucy.

Gray found Lucy sitting at the edge of a forest, tears running down her cheeks as she gripped her head and screamed. He knelt down next to her and took her in his arms, providing her with comfort as she cried. He gently ran his fingers through her tangled blond hair and said, "Hey Lucy, come on, it's okay, stop crying."

She shook her head and said, "I-I want N-Natsu," she cried, "I-I just w-want Natsu but h-he's dead. He's d-dead, Gray!"

Gray shook his head and said, "Lucy, the Natsu that was talking to you is the real Natsu. He isn't dead; he's here with all of us."

Lucy merely continued to cry, wrapping her arms around Gray in her search for more comfort. He wasn't as warm as Natsu but at least he was comforting in his own way. He held her tightly, trying not to cry every time he heard one of her heart-wrenching sobs.

Eventually, Natsu showed up and skidded to a halt next to them. He knelt down beside them and said, "Luce…" his voice trailed away and he looked just as broken as she did, if not more broken than she did.

Gray slowly unraveled their arms and began to usher her toward Natsu, and Natsu held out his arms to hold her in a hug. Lucy was reaching out her own arms to hug him when she remembered the feel of nothing but air around her and the emptiness. She jerked away from him and stood up, brushing off her clothes and looking between the two boys.

Gray stood up and took her wrists gently, looking her in the eyes and saying, "See that Natsu right there, Lucy? That's the real Natsu. He's not dead. He's right here, and he's going to help you, ok? You just have to let him. You need to let him help you."

Lucy looked between Natsu and Gray. Natsu gave her a sad smile and held out his arms for her again. She looked at Gray and he gave her a small nod. With a deep, shuddering breath, Lucy turned toward Natsu. She took a tentative step toward him, and then looked back at Gray, who gave her a reassuring smile.

She held out her arms. She went in for a hug from Natsu.

It felt like she was being suspended in the air, like when you're on a rollercoaster and it slows down just for a few heartbeats before rushing down the hill. This was the moment that would determine her sanity and future.

Warmth; she was surrounded by it. Tears began to fall from her eyes and she clung tightly to Natsu, who held her close to him and buried her face in her hair, searching for her scent beyond the smell of alcohol. He smiled slightly as he held her close.

He was real.

"Natsu," she cried, and he laughed a little, a laugh of relief and happiness.

"C'mon," he said brightly, "Let's go back to the guild!"

The two of them headed back to the guild, and Natsu vowed he would never leave her alone again. He also vowed that he would personally murder the man who took advantage of her.

But that's another story for another time.


End file.
